I did a post last Valentine’s Day about the state of my heart not too long after my breast cancer surgery.  I figured it might be good to do an update a year later and post cancer.

Those first few months were agonizing and long.  I wanted to die rather than face this battle.  I cried many tears.  I know it was hard for those closest to me.  I shut people out and buried myself from the world.

While it was probably the lowest point in my life, I can look back on that time, and see that it wasn’t the end of the world like I thought it was at the time.  It was a very difficult, intense time but in the end, I think I’m better for it.  If I had a choice, I would not choose this path; but, it is my path and from it, I’ve learned that I can get through just about anything now.

Continue reading The State of My Heart: A Year Later: Cancer Survivor →

There are days that my heart still aches for a different time, days when I remember what it’s like to be so absorbed in a moment that there’s nothing else you can see around you.  Moments when I could melt from the heat raging inside of me, of a fire burning so strongly it fills my soul.  A warmth like a kiss of sunlight on my skin, a breath so deep and slow and full that my eyes close and I just inhale deeply, and feel my chest rise.  I remember a time before cancer when I could get lost in my own thoughts and hide from the world. I remember when flying made me feel like this.  There are times when I want to remember, but other times when I think it’s best not to dwell on it too long.

Continue reading Finding Hope in the Midst… →

I don’t think you wake up one morning and say I think I’m going to be brave today.  I don’t think courage is something you consciously decide to do.  I think courage comes from within and unexpectedly, in moments when you decide not to give up regardless of how you’re feeling.  I think it comes when you decide to push on in spite of obstacles in your way.  Sometimes, I think it comes when you decide to sit out for a round.  I believe that knowing when you’ve had enough and need a rest also takes courage. Sometimes, it takes a leap of faith that comes from somewhere deep inside of you to muster the courage you need to proceed.

Continue reading Finding Normal Again →